


Air Date

by Hyacinthium



Series: Oumasai/Saiou Week Au [2]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Crushes and Love, Feelings and Introspection, M/M, POV Saihara Shuichi, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-19
Updated: 2018-06-19
Packaged: 2019-05-25 11:43:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14976464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hyacinthium/pseuds/Hyacinthium
Summary: Shuichi has a problem, in his heart, and it's one that starts with grinning bears and ends with a pair of purple eyes. He tries to figure it out before going to sleep.He almost gets close.





	Air Date

**Author's Note:**

> Day Two, Love and Hate.

From the moment they woke up in the lockers til the Killing Game was announced, Shuichi has felt a strong and unnameable emotion in response to various things. The Monokubs, Monokuma, the mention of Ultimate Talents; the sight of Ouma Kokichi's face. 

Ouma Kokichi's back facing him, his laugh. 

Shuichi is aware of the possible implications of these seemingly baseless rushes. Their memories are, each one of them, missing. Fuzzy and or generally lacking. Stolen. They're kidnapped and drugged hard enough to have forgotten so much- and more too. The detective in Shuichi bristles constantly. 

It's truly despicable, is the thought that comes to mind whenever Ouma so much as enters his peripheral vision. 

Hatred is an unfamiliar feeling to Shuichi. At least in this kind of situation, because Shuichi certainly knows what hatred is like, knows what it's like to be hated the same way that he knows what love is like. His parents are distant but clearly live for him at times. Shuichi's uncle and aunt raise him as if he's their own son, and Shuichi has nothing but respect for them. 

But the oddest thing happens. 

Shuichi can't let himself remember their faces without feeling discomfort. 

Then his mind will instantly jump to thoughts of Ouma. If Ouma is alright. It's just so strange. Why is Shuichi associating his family with Ouma? 

Everytime that Ouma comes to mind, and stays there, Shuichi starts to get an elevated heart rate. It's similar to the feelings born from the killing game- but also more like the feelings Shuichi had for his first crush. She'd always make him chocolate chip cookies with only mild sweetness. Up until she had to move away. It's sad, but Shuichi can't even remember her name or face now. Just the bandages that she once had to wear. Purple and white checker print. 

Akamatsu-san almost makes Shuichi remember that childhood crush, but it's Ouma again that shows up in his mind's eye. 

Is it the scarf? Perhaps it's the boy's odd humor, or what Shuichi hopes is humor, because she used to be a bit like that at times too. 

Shuichi hasn't thought of those cookies or that girl like this in years. 

Maybe it's just what happens when you can't go to sleep at night. Shuichi needs to go to bed in order to investigate more tomorrow, but he's stuck. Stuck analyzing his no longer reliable emotions and memories. Does he hate Ouma Kokichi? He isn't even sure if Ouma deserves half the intense dislike that the others feel for him. 

A pang of annoyance on Ouma’s behalf. 

Another problem when one considers how annoyed Shuichi gets with the Supreme Leader. Evil Supreme Leader. 

And Ultimate Evil Supreme Leader, that's just a dictator, right? 

Ouma looks nothing like a dictator. He wears a school uniform with motifs similar to a straight jacket. Except those childishly huge buttons. And the staples. And his scarf is also off. 

Shuichi can not figure out why he thinks that Ouma isn't suited for such a Talent. Everyone has earned their Talent with hard work in addition to any inborn talent. That's part of what makes them Ultimates. It's why Shuichi feels so… fake. Even the others with non obvious clothing perfectly fit into their role. 

He just looks generic, and feels undeserving, despite what others may say. 

Akamatsu is too kind, really. 

Shuichi turns over onto his side and tries to keep his eyes shut. For a moment, they actually seem to answer the burning need behind them. 

Instead, he pulls out his Monopad and pulls up Kokichi's pro-

Ko… kichi's? 

Eyes squeezing shut and mouth pulling into a soured frown, Shuichi tries to think about the others in the same way. That amount of familiarity and closeness. But he can't-

The detective just can't find the traction or feeling that lets him so easily think ‘Kokichi’. 

Attempting to think ‘Kaede’ makes him toss awkwardly and make sure to never do it again. It's like that for everyone. They're friends of sorts, maybe, but to try and use a first name basis of any sort feels wrong. Unnatural. 

But not Ouma's name. 

“K- Kokichi. Kokichi,” Shuichi murmurs, and marvels at how the name just flows out like water. 

His heart slowly speeds up and skips a lazy beat. It is nothing like the newer crushes, or flashes of admiration he's had, not at all like how he gets with Akamatsu. It almost feels slow like honey. Something that he'd read about for a case once, articles about the timeline of love and crushes. He'd mostly forgotten it all. The case itself is a missing piece of his puzzle. 

Shuichi knows that memories mutate the more often you remember them, but each missing fragment is raw and sharp. It's nothing like a natural fog.

Was it not drugs? 

Had Shuichi been in love with Ouma Kokichi, to the point… to the point that even a memory cutting thing couldn't make him fully forget it all? Is that the strength of those precious neuro chemicals racing around inside of him? An Ultimate Neurologist would be useful. Neuro chemist?

Shuichi throws his blankets off of his anxious body and forces his feet onto the floor. 

Pacing, his mind continues its search. It's shockingly easy to try and figure this all out, now that the feeling has a name. Like something inside of his heart, more than some nebulous feeling, is driving him forward. 

He hates the killing game to the point that it's easy to meet Monokuma's gaze. He loves Ouma enough to- to want the boy to look at him. Shuichi thinks of those comforting and warm cookies whenever Ouma talks. 

They must have met. They must have known one another. Shuichi just can't figure out the how or why of it all. 

And when he tries to figure that out it just makes his whole mood crash down. 

Shuichi has been repeating this cycle of thought for two hours. 

He might not love Ouma at all in any manner. He might hate him, maybe. But the idea of that fills him up with the feeling inspired by the killing game, pushing his thoughts to include it. Is the killing game somehow inherently related to Ouma? 

The mastermind… 

Shuichi wouldn't love the mastermind. Shuichi wouldn't possible help or assist someone who wants to run a murderous spectacle. 

Yet, Ouma is starting to head down some awful roads with his words. Shuichi is well aware that much of that is, or started as, misinterpretation. He's seen humor used as a response to absolutely horrible things from any type of person under the sun. Shuichi isn't optimistic by any means, but he wants to consider Kokichi's words as-

Ah, again. 

Shuichi stops walking a hole into his floor. Bedroom prison floor. 

Perfectly designed for him, somehow. The shelves to put knick-knacks seems like something straight out of his room, where Shuichi would put things collected from thrift stores. There is even a bag to put gifts in. A place to buy or win gifts from. 

Everyone is clearly stressed beyond the average or manageable means. The human mind is often shockingly resilient, not always in a good way, but perhaps some gifts would be mutually calming. Kokichi might like some teas, or a new scarf with color to it, comes the thought. 

Natural, well worn inside of Shuichi's mind. 

His heart clenches with the scent of Earl Grey and the taste of unending sugar. 

Coffee is Shuichi's beverage. Growing up with his uncle made sure of that, and Shuichi prefers any other tea of any sort. Matcha sweets are alright. Sometimes, Shuichi will enjoy something very sweet. 

That once a blue moon craving will be filled by grape panta, he attempts to tease himself. It doesn't make him cringe. 

It makes him remember smiles and baking horrible round slabs with too much salt. It should not belong with Shuichi's past, but it fits right into his heart and the sea of freshly renewed emotions for a boy he's never met. 

Standing still in the middle of his room. In pajamas. 

Shuichi wonders and dreads.

**Author's Note:**

> Shockingly pure and unneeding of additional warnings? What. That can't be right... 
> 
> Um, there are a bunch of callbacks to Branding. Try to spot them? OwO;


End file.
